Assorted Jokes Assorted Jokes Q: What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist? A: He was repossessed. Q: What do birds give out on Halloween? A: Tweets. Q: What do goblins drink when there hot and thirsty? A: Ghoul-aid!!! Q: Why do demons and ghouls hang out together? A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend! Q: what do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon. A: sour-puss Q: What can't you give the headless horseman? A: A headache. Q: Why did the headless horseman go into business? A: He wanted to get ahead in life. Q: What did the cannibal get when he was late for dinner? A: The cold shoulder. Q: What's a zombie's favorite cold breakfast cereal? A: Rice Creepies. Q: What do you call the architectural plan of a haunted house? A: A boo print. Q: What did the scarecrow use to patch himself? A: A pumpkin patch!!! Q: What is the most frightful way to travel? A: By scareplane! Q: What do cannibals eat for dessert? A: Chocolate covered aunts. Q: What is a cannibal's favorite game? A: Swallow the leader. Q: Where do cannibals shop for fine furniture? A: Eatin' Allen's. Q: Have you heard about the cannibal restaurant? A: Dinner costs an arm and a leg. Q: Why can't you bury people who live opposite a graveyard ? A: They're not dead yet! Q: How did the glamorous ghoul earn her living ? A: She was a cover ghoul ! Q: How do you know that you are talking to a undertaker ? A: By his grave manner ! Q: Why was the little boy unhappy to win first prize for the best costume at the Halloween party ? A: Because he just came to pick up his sister ! Q: Why was everyone tickled by the fried chicken at the Halloween party ? A: Because the feathers were still on the chicken. Q: Why did the boy carry a clock and a bird on Halloween ? A: It was for "tick or tweet" ! Q: What do stupid kids do at Halloween ? A: They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins ! Q: Why don't apples smile when you go bobbing ? A: Because they're crab apples ! Q: How do you get the most apples when bobbing at Halloween? A: Wear a snorkel ! Q: What is a devils picket line called ? A: A demonstration! Q: What is the demons' favourite TV sitcom? A: Fiends ! Q: Why do demons and ghouls get on so well ? A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend ! Q: What do you call a demon who slurps his food ? A: A goblin ! Q: What is the best way to get rid of a demon ? A: Exorcise a lot ! Q: What did the demon do when he bought a new house ? A: He called it "Gnome Sweet Gnome" ! Q: What do demons have for breakfast ? A: Devilled eggs ! Q: What do demons have on holiday ? A: A devil of a time ! Q: Why do demons hang out with ghouls ? A: Because demons are a ghouls best friend ! Q: Did you hear about the ghouls favourite hotel ? A: It had running rot and mould ! Q: What airline do ghouls fly with ? A: British Scareways ! Q: Why are teachers happy at Halloween parties ? A: Because there is lots of school spirit ! Q: A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet on his head. "Are you a ghost ?" A: "No, I'm an unmade bed !" Q: A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet on his head. "Are you an unmade bed ?" A: "No, I'm an undercover agent !" Q: What do you call a wizard from outer space ? A: A flying sorcerer ! Q: What happened to the wizard who brushed his teeth with gunpowder ? A: He kept shooting his mouth off ! Q: What happened when the wizard turned a boy into a hare ? A: He's still rabbiting on about it ! Q: Why did the wizard where red, white and blue suspenders ? A: To keep his trousers up ! Q: What's the first thing that a wizard does in the morning ? A: He wakes up ! Q: What do wizards stop for on the motorway ? A: Witchhikers ! Q: Why did the wizard jump off the top of the Empire State Building ? A: He wanted to make a hit on Broadway ! Q: What do you get if you cross a river with an inflatable wizard ? A: To the other side ! Q: What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a wizard ? A: Tyrannosaurus hex ! Q: What do you call a wizard who's black and blue all over ? A: Bruce ! Q: What do you call a wizard who lies on the floor ? A: Matt ! Q: What do you call a wizard lying in the gutter ? A: Dwayne ! Q: Who did the wizard marry ? A: His ghoul-friend ! Q: What happened to the wizard who ran away with the circus ? A: The police made him bring it back again ! Q: What do you call a wizard who has fallen into the sea on a barrel ? A: Bob ! Q: What must a wizard be to receive a state funeral ? A: Dead ! Q: What kinds of wizards can jump higher than a bus ? A: All of them, busses don't jump ! Q: What happened when the wizard met the witch ? A: It was love at first fright ! Q: What would happen if you threw lots of eggs at a wizard ? A: He would be egg-sterminated ! Q: If a wizard was knocked out by Dracula in a fight what would he be ? A: Out for the count ! Q:Two cannibals were talking. The first says, "Gee, I hate my mother-in-law." A: The 2nd replies, "So, try eating something else. Q: "Your wife sure makes a good roast." commented the first cannibal. A: "Yeah," replied the second. "I'm really going to miss her." Q: Two cannibals are eating a clown. A: One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"